The Other Side of the River

(TW: Inappropriate Language, Violence, SA)

I stared at the endless blue sky above me, interrupted only by the occasional puff of white. It was a beautiful afternoon, but there was a knot in my stomach. I was supposed to meet my betrothed. My father had told me to dress presentably, but I already knew what my beloved would see. A freak. That’s what everyone always called me anyways. My maid had laid out a pink day dress for me to wear, requested by papa. I had opted for pants.

I was the only woman in our entire town that hated dresses. The only one who found books and my quill preferable to the company of others, especially the horrible men my father kept trying to marry me off to. And, at 19 years old, the only one unmarried. I wanted to keep it that way. Three proposals had already fallen through, thank goodness. I’d rather spend my days in the library than being a wife to a snobby man who would only see me as an object. This one would be no different. That’s assuming he would even want me as his wife at all. Like I said, everyone thinks I’m a freak. I’m too different.

I sighed, coming back to my tragic reality. I inhaled the scent of the wildflowers surrounding me in the meadow, taking a deep breath before sitting back up and mounting my horse, making my way back to my father’s house. I was dreading the interaction, but “ladies are always punctual.” I rolled my eyes at my father’s nagging replaying in the back of my mind as the countryside passed by in a blur. The sooner I could get this over with, the better.

Ten minutes later, I walked into the foyer to see my father, a fake smile plastered on his face to conceal his suppressed rage. A tall gentleman stood next to him, distaste evident on his face. Another guy who couldn’t stand me. Perfect. I walked over to the two men and kissed my father on the cheek.

“Good morning papa.”

“Adeline,” he replied tightly. The man behind him swallowed. “Mr. Filippon, allow me to introduce my daughter, Miss Adeline Beaucannon. Adeline, darling, this is Mr. Andre Filippon.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Beaucannon.” The man bowed his head, but I tried not to grimace. He sounded exactly how he looked – stiff and formal. I wrinkled my nose, but quickly smoothed out my face again when he looked back up at me. I didn’t miss his own look of disgust passing quickly behind his eyes.

“And you as well, Mr. Filippon.”

“I am pleased with the arrangement that your father and I have come to.”

I took a deep breath, anger flooding my senses. Why were women only seen as objects to men? How dare they talk to us as if we are precious commodities, and expect us to be happy about it? Some women might be content with a mediocre life, but I never would.

“And I am pleased that you are not quite as barbaric as the last one,” I said with a smile. My father’s eyes flared, his only warning at my behavior. I tried to keep my smile from going even wider as I looked at the shock register on Mr. Filippon’s face. I could see the anger on his face, but I gave him credit for keeping it together. Men weren’t ever used to women speaking to them like that.

He cleared his throat and ducked his head, regaining his careful composure. He looked back up with a tight smile across his face. “I was wondering if you would like to go for a stroll with me through town.” Now it was my turn to be surprised. Not many people wanted to be seen with the town freak. I vaguely started to wonder if this man was more than he seemed, or if he was desperate. But it was nice not to be avoided for once.

“That sounds lovely, sir.” I took his arm and followed him out the door, looking back to see a rare real smile spreading across my father’s face. I didn’t want to get married, but I hoped for his sake that this worked out. Even though we had our differences, I still loved papa, and I wanted him to be happy and proud of me.

I turned my attention back to my betrothed, noticing the sharp jawline and the perfectly coiffed straw-colored curls of his hair. Everything, from his too-polished shoes to his perfectly pressed tie was just too formal. He was nice looking I suppose, but he was so stiff.

“So, Miss Adeline -”

“Call me Addy, please.”

“Adeline is more suitable to a lady.” I wrinkled my nose. My mother called me Addy, and I preferred it. She always used to say, remember who you are, Addy. As if I could ever forget.

 We walked in silence until we reached the town, immediately drawing the attention of the townsfolk.

“So, Mr. Filippon, what are your thoughts on the women’s suffrage movements happening in the States?” At that, he stopped.

“Miss Adeline, let me be frank. Politics is no place for a lady and should be no concern of yours. I agreed to marry you because of your large dowry, but please know that I expect you to follow tradition and serve me as my wife.” My jaw dropped. I had thought that this would be different, yet he was the worst one so far. “And the next time we go out like this, I expect to see you in proper ladies’ attire, with your hair pinned up. It’s not becoming to traipse around like a mix between a man and a common whore, and it will not be acceptable as my future wife.” That’s when my rage boiled over the surface.

“I cannot believe you. How broke are you that you would not only try to marry me, but make an absolute ass out of yourself to try and keep me under control?” He startled, his face contorting into rage, but it couldn’t be even close to what I was feeling. “You are an absolute monster of a man.” I promptly turned on my heels and left, not giving him a chance to reply. I shook my head. I’m sorry papa, but I will not be an object.

I walked all the way back to the house, where I stormed past papa, ignoring his questions. I didn’t stop until I got to my room. I couldn’t believe the nerve of that man. I paced back and forth until I collapsed on my bed and burst into tears. I couldn’t believe the unfairness of it all. I cried for me and all the women of the world who had to endure horrible husbands that treated them like that until I fell asleep.

I woke up right before dawn, restless. Papa hated it when I left the house at an unreasonable hour, but I couldn’t stay here right now. I needed to walk. I slipped on a pair of pants, some sturdy boots, and a jacket before heading to my favorite spot in the entire town. It was as far away as I could safely get, and the sound of the rushing water was peaceful. The current was dangerous, but I only ever sat under the beautiful oak tree a few feet from the shore.

I got there quickly and settled down under the branches, using a stick to draw patterns in the dirt as I watched the sun rise. It was beautiful. But suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of deep laughter coming from not far behind me. I jumped to my feet and spun around to see a group of four men, led by Andre Fillipon, who had a terrifying glint in his eye. My heart immediately dropped. No matter the circumstance, a woman being alone with four men was never a good situation.

“You should have thought about the consequences, freak,” he slurred. He was drunk. Even worse. And his friends behind him didn’t look much better. My fear doubled, and I took a few steps back instinctively. I didn’t like how these men were walking towards me, like they were stalking their prey. I didn’t know what to do. I could feel the panic bubbling inside, threatening to spill over. My breathing grew rapid as the men inched closer. I backed up again, but the sound of the roaring river flooded my senses, effectively trapping me. I blinked, and suddenly the group of men was right there, leering at me, grabbing at me. I tried to wrench myself out of their grasp, but Andre grabbed my throat, tightening until spots clouded my vision. I felt two different hands tear at my dress as another slipped under my skirt. Tears filled my eyes. This couldn’t be happening. “This is what happens to whores, Adeline,” he spat.

I focused on the sound of the river, trying to find a way out of this situation. The rage I had felt all returned and I heard blood rushing in my ears. I refused to just let this happen. I thrashed against the hands that held me until I got loose and kicked as hard as I could. I must have connected, because there was a shout and one less pair of hands on me. Spite filled me as I stared at the pitiful man I could have married.

“I would rather die than let a man like you win.” His gaze darkened, but I had gotten loose enough to turn and run. I didn’t look back and jumped headfirst into violent, cold water. The last thing I remembered was fighting towards the surface in the endless rhythm of the river. Then I blacked out.

.   .   .

            I woke up and immediately started coughing up water, rolling on my side to spew the river onto the grass I was washed up on. I was alive. I couldn’t believe it. I had gotten away, and I was alive. I took a deep breath and laid on my back, relief washing over me. I looked at the clouds, searching for the same comfort I had always found in the sky, only to realize that this was not my sky. It was purple. How is that possible?

            I sat up immediately, looking at my surroundings. The grass I was sitting in was long, coming up to my waist, and the flowers surrounding me were at least to my shoulders. I looked at the rushing river I had jumped into, only to see it calm and slow. I frowned, confusion washing over me. Everything about this place felt wrong. Felt different. I had to be dreaming. I closed my eyes, but when I opened them again, everything was still the same.

            I blinked, trying to make sense of my new surroundings. I had no idea what was going on. Suddenly I saw a boy’s reflection in the water. He couldn’t have been more than 16, with unnaturally white hair and bright eyes filled with panic. I scrambled to my feet and turned around to see him running behind me.

            “Oh, wait! Sir! Please!” I shouted. He glanced behind him, but didn’t stop.

            “Can’t stop, I’m running late!” he yelled back. I started running after him.

            “Please, stop! I think I’m lost!” He disappeared around a bend, but I followed him, running until I found myself surrounded by towering trees of a species I couldn’t name. It was a beautiful forest, but I felt even more impossibly lost, and I had lost track of that boy. He was as fast as a rabbit – I would never catch up to him. I decided to wander along the path and just hope I ran into somebody else who could help me.

I walked for what felt like hours, marveling at the new creatures I had never seen before. Wherever I was, it was a wonderous land, with great curiosities. It was a beautiful, if not incredibly strange place. I had turned around to watch what looked like a dodo bird amble by when my back suddenly rammed into something soft. I turned around and yelped at the sudden presence of two people. They looked to be about my age, maybe a little younger, one female, one male. They both had short black hair and bright blue eyes, and a grin that stretched wide across their faces.

“Well, that was quite rude!”

“Yes, quite rude indeed! You can’t just go ramming into people!”

“No, no, it’s very rude!”

“Yes, yes, very rude.”

I blinked at the quick back and forth between the two of them. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. Are you two -”

“Friends? Of course not, silly!”

“Yeah, silly. We’re twins, couldn’t you tell?”

“Yeah, couldn’t you tell?”

“Of course I could! That’s what I was going to say!” I replied indignantly.

“Well, I’m Theo,” said the boy.

“And I’m Thalia,” said the girl. “Who are you?”

“Yeah, who are you?”  

“Well, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Adeline, but you can call me Addy. I’m so sorry that I bumped into you, but I’m afraid I’m horribly lost. Can you help me?”

“Oh, you’re lost? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I need to get home.” I replied, exasperated.

“Oh, we need to get home too.”

“Yes, we need to get home. But we won’t until the magic is restored.”

“Yeah, not until the magic is restored.”

That catches my attention. “Magic?”

“Yes, magic. Couldn’t you hear us?”

“Yeah, can’t you hear?”

“But magic isn’t real.”

“Magic isn’t real? What do you mean?”

“Yeah, what do you mean? What kind of weird place do you come from where magic isn’t real?”

I was taken aback. I couldn’t believe that they really believed in magic. This place was so strange. I needed to get out of here. They just kept rambling on about how I must be crazy, but I quietly backed away, content with sneaking off and finding someone less mad to help me. I kept retreating until I couldn’t hear their squawks at each other, now on a completely different topic. I shook my head as I turned and kept walking, hoping desperately to run into anybody else, or even find that white-haired boy again.

I kept pushing forward, determined, but I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since dinner the day before, and I was starting to feel weak from everything that had happened. But I couldn’t focus on that now. I tried to keep going, but I soon had to stop and take a rest. I sat on an oddly shaped rock and took a deep breath.

I tried to think of anything else, but my mind couldn’t stay away from the memory of his hand wrapped tightly around my throat. I wanted to scrub my skin until the feeling was gone, but I had to learn how to live with this. It felt like it was my fault, like I could have avoided it if I had just been quieter. If I wasn’t such a freak. But I quickly shook the thought from my mind. There wasn’t anything I could have done to prevent that monster from attacking, although I wish there was. Men like that were not swayed by women, especially women like me. I was better off just…

I was ripped out of my thoughts by the faint sound of singing. I couldn’t make out the words, but I was certain that I heard someone. I stood up and turned around, trying to place where the sound was coming from. It kept getting louder and louder, but I still couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.

Suddenly, a figure dropped from the tree in front of me. She was short, with long limbs and striking pink hair. As she gazed at me curiously, I couldn’t help but notice that she had the most peculiar purple eyes. We stood there a moment in silence before I spoke up.

“Um, hello.” She stayed silent. “Can you help me? I think I might be lost, and I need to figure out to get home.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Addy. Who are you?”

“Cassidy.”

“Oh.. So… Can you help me?” She blinked at me and tilted her head, contemplating it.

“No. But Max probably can.”

“Oh, great, thank you. Where can I find him?”

“Just walk that way until you hit the road. There’s a fork in the road, but just follow the signs. Be warned though, he’s a little mad. Most everyone here is.” My confusion doubled, but I didn’t doubt her words, based off the last interaction I had with those twins, and even now with her.

I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could she took off, running and jumping towards a nearby tree branch. She grabbed the branch and swung herself upwards, disappearing into the tree line and singing her obscure song again. I stared after her for awhile before turning and walking in the direction she had gestured, shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.

I didn’t walk for long until I got to a dark blue road made of gravel. I stared at it, just as confused as I was about everything else in this place. Extinct birds, purple skies, strange encounters, and now a blue road? This place was a wonderland, but it was an infuriatingly different environment. Everything felt upside down and wrong.

I was still feeling weak – it had been a very long day. But at least now I had somewhere to go. I stepped onto the road and continued my trek, walking until I got to the fork in the road. There was a tree in between the two paths that had two different signs. One pointed to the left and read “The Tea Garden,” and the other pointed right and read “The Hare-Brained Cafe.” They didn’t sound so different, but I headed left and hoped that I was going in the right direction.

A few minutes later, I heard the faint sound of voices and turned the corner to see a beautiful garden with trimmed bushes surrounding the perimeter. On the inside, there were vines growing on trellises and beautiful carnations and sunflowers growing everywhere. It was wild but taken care of. It was different than any garden I had ever seen, but it was one of the most breathtaking sights I had ever seen. I walked under an arch covered in purple clematis flowers. The further I walked into the garden, the prettier it got.

The voices grew louder as I walked between two bushes to see a large table covered in different tea pots, assorted cups, and different pastries and scones. It was colorful and reminded me a lot of the garden I had walked through.

At the table sat two men, drinking tea, talking and laughing. I was taken aback, as I had only ever seen women in that position. Back home, you would walk through town and see women in small groups, sitting around tables and drinking tea, wasting the day away gossiping. I would always look through the windows into cafés and see these women, content with their lot in life, and I could never understand it.

Looking at these men now, I still couldn’t understand it, but the smiles on their faces were contagious, and I found myself wanting to join in, something I had never wanted to do back home. My stomach growled and I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever insanity I was about to encounter next as I walked up to them.

“Excuse me.” Both of their heads whipped towards me, confusion and shock across their faces. Clearly, they hadn’t been expecting visitors. Much like Cassidy, they stayed silent. “Um, my name is Addy, and I’m looking for a way to get back home.” The taller of the two men cleared his throat and stood up.

“Would you like to join us for tea? We weren’t expecting visitors but I’m sure we can find you a clean cup.” I examined him warily as I moved slowly to the seat next to him that he was gesturing to. He didn’t look particularly dangerous.

He had light brown hair that matched his golden eyes, and a tall muscular frame. The other man had blonde hair and dark brown eyes, with a skinnier build. I sat down next to the brown-haired boy and smiled shyly.

“My name is Max, and this is Hayden.” He gestured to his companion. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Addy.” I titled my head towards him and his friend, who seemed quite shy. He raised his hand and gave a little wave, accompanied by a small smile. I returned the gesture before turning back to Max. He poured me a cup of tea and added milk and two sugars. Exactly how I liked it. I frowned and looked at him for an explanation. “Oh, I am so sorry, I should have asked. It’s a bit of a habit – almost everyone around here has their tea like this.”

“It’s alright. That’s how I like it,” I replied, surprised. I took the cup and the plate of scones that he offered me. I shoveled the food down my throat, pausing only to thank him. I hadn’t realized how hungry or dehydrated I was, but I was glad that these strangers had been willing to help me.

“So, who are you?” Max asked. I just looked at him confused. I had already told him my name, so I had no idea what he was asking me.

“Um, Adeline Beaucannon?” I replied. He just shook his head, amusement evident on his face.

“No, silly girl. I already know your name. Who are you.” I was taken aback. I didn’t know how to answer. I searched for an answer, but I didn’t even know where to look.

“I don’t know,” I said, my voice hoarse. That was the truth, wasn’t it. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I know I used to think I did, but I’m not sure that I ever had. Max stared at me for a moment, contemplating my response.

“Well, mystery girl, you’re in luck. Watchword has a way of making people find exactly what they’re looking for.” I immediately perked up.

“Watchword? Is that what this place is called?”

“Welcome to my home, Miss Addy,” he said with a smirk. I smiled back.

“Thank you.” There was another beat of silence. “So. Do you know how to get out of here? I’m trying to find my way back home.”

“You must have left something important behind if you’re so eager to get back.” My smile faded.

“Not necessarily,” I replied distantly. His smile faded too, and he looked at me for a moment. His eyes seemed to grow sad, but it passed quick enough that I didn’t even know what I had seen.

“Almost everyone here ran from something. Or towards something. Or just didn’t have a home to go back to. We all found ourselves here. I hope you do too.” I was encouraged by his words, and I smiled gratefully, meeting his warm gaze. So did I.

From then, we talked of little things. It was refreshing. To have good conversation and feel comfortable just being. It was nice to talk about little things and sit and enjoy the company. The conversation. I could see how one could want to get lost in this calm.

After a while, I started talking about the strange person I had seen. I had almost forgotten that I had followed him in the first place, but I needed answers. I needed to get back home.

“Do you have any idea where he might have gone?” Max thinks about it, but a look of recognition flashed on Hayden’s face. He glances at me nervously before speaking up.

“He works for the queen.” He had been quiet, so I was a little surprised. I nodded gratefully before asking more questions.

“The queen?” If there was anyone that could help me, it would be the ruler of this land. Max nodded, but his face was showing something I couldn’t quite place. I turned back to him for an explanation. He sighed before answering my unasked questions.

“The queen of Watchword is a… strict ruler. A lot of people who upset her end up disappearing. She can be quite generous, but a lot of people try to stay away from her.” I frowned.

“Well, can she help me?” Max stared at me for a long moment. He even opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better about it. I could see something conflicting on his face, but I had no idea what it was. After a long moment, he finally replied.

“Maybe. But it’s a bit of a journey. You’ll get lost.” I sighed and stood up, needing to walk. “Wait, where are you going?”

“I just need to walk.” I left and didn’t look back, even when he called out after me. I kept going until I found a beautiful tree with a bench underneath it that had vines with small white flowers wrapped around the sides. It was beautiful. And so similar to something I had asked father to do with our garden. The sight made me tear up, and I had to blink them back as I walked towards the bench.

I was so tired of fighting. I didn’t even know what I was fighting for. Max had made a good point when he said, “you must have left something important behind if you’re so eager to get back.” I didn’t have anything. My father, although I loved him, was trying to sell me off. For a deal. For himself. He had never once respected my wishes. And no one else in that dreadful town was any better. I shuddered and a tear escaped, silently rolling down my cheek as I thought about the reason I had ended up here in the first place. I had wished for years to end up somewhere new.

Now that I had, I didn’t know if I wanted it.

It was strange. And mad. And wondrous and magical and terrifying. It was so different. I had lived my life in the bleak nothingness that anyone who was too different stayed. And I hated to admit it, but it was safe. Comfortable.

I didn’t even know what to fight in anymore.

I heard a twig snap and looked over to see Max walking towards me. He stopped and looked at me for a second before I wiped my face and moved over. He came and sat next to me. I looked at him, expecting to see sympathy. But instead, I saw understanding. I was surprised, but I waited for him to speak.

“When I was younger, my mother and father always called me odd. I was cast out young until I found my way here and found my peace. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but we all have a story. If you need anything, we can help you.” I scoffed.

“And how could you help me?” I paused for a second before looking away and whispering, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I looked at him, confused. “Look, I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through. But sometimes finding someone you can talk to can help. If you need someone, I can be that. At least until you make it back home.” At that, I turned away. This is what I wanted… Yes, that was what I wanted. But I didn’t feel any different, like I thought I would.
            “We’ll take you to the queen.” I whipped my head back around to meet his gaze.

“Why?”

“If this is what you want, then we’ll take you. If we guide you, we can get to the palace in two days.” I was at a loss for words. It was a kind gesture, and they didn’t need to offer it. If this queen was as volatile as they said, then it could be dangerous. Who would risk something like that for a girl they don’t even know? He smirked before adding, “you’re welcome, mystery girl.” He stood up and offered his hand. I paused a moment before taking it and standing up with him.

“Thank you.” He nodded back, a warm smile on it. I followed him back to a small building that I hadn’t seen yet. He opened the door to a warm kitchen, with dark oak cabinets with gold trimming, light tan countertops, and gold accents throughout the entire room, which opened to a small open space with a large window and several hanging plants. It was a beautiful room. It was everything I had thought about in a house. It was warm and smelled like bread and lemon. It was such an inviting area.

Max walked over to me with two packs in his hand, with Hayden in tow, and handed me one of them before slinging his own over his shoulders. I followed suit and nodded at Hayden, who nodded back with a small smile and led the way. Max waited for me to follow and then brought up the rear.

.   .   .

Two days later, when the sun was at its highest, we climbed a hill to see a small city with a palace in the center.

“The Red Castle,” Max informed me. We stood and rested for a minute, looking at the beautiful city in the valley below. We walked for maybe an hour until we finally reached the city. We walked through busy streets with strung up decorations, all red. We walked past small stores and bars util we reached the high black gates of the palace grounds. We looked around for a guard, but it didn’t look like there were any around. We pushed on the gate, and it opened. We exchanged glances before walking tentatively through the gates.

As soon as we stepped foot on the grounds, two guards appeared out of thin air. Literally. I stepped back, shock flooding me.

“How did they do that,” I whispered to Max, fear taking over.

“Magic,” he whispered back. I whipped towards him, thinking he was kidding, but he was serious. My brain was going everywhere, trying to understand. Magic?

The guards grabbed us, pinning our arms behind our backs and pushing us forcefully towards the palace. We didn’t stop until we got to a large, embellished door, painted red with black swirled designs inlaid into the wood. The guards waited until it opened from the other side, then pushed us in, making us stumble until we all fell to our knees. I looked up to see a tall woman, about my height, standing in front of a black throne. She had bone-straight, long, red hair, and dark brown eyes. She was ornately dressed in red and black, and she wore a black crown with small red jewels hanging from it periodically. It almost looked like blood.

The words of warning that Max had given me two days ago in his garden came back to mind and rang in my ears. This woman was intimidating, and she knew it. She radiated power.

She walked down the steps in front of her throne to where we were and looked at us before speaking.

“Who are you, and why are you trespassing.” I glanced over to Max, who answered for all of us.

“Your majesty, I’m Max Hawthorne, and this is Hayden Moore. We are teashop owners who live in the woods, and we humbly ask for an audience. She gave me a lingering glare.

“And who is this, tea maker?” Her gaze was still burning into mine.

“Adeline Beaucannon, your majesty,” he replied. “She is the reason we wish for an audience. She is an outsider.” The guards in the room let out low gasps and murmurs, but the queen remained expressionless. I looked around me, confused. She was silent for a moment before she gave a signal to the guards in the room, who turned and left through a side door. We waited for her verdict, my heart pounding in my ears.

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood today, Tea Maker. You get to live. You all do.” We collectively let out a breath that we didn’t know we were holding, and I relaxed a little bit. “I will grant you your audience. But only you, outsider.” She looked straight at me. I looked at Max, who nodded, so I did my best to reply correctly.

“Thank you for your generosity, your majesty.” The corners of her mouth lifted, almost making a small smile. It was unsettling, but I managed a small smile back before bowing my head.

“For now, you will all be escorted to your room, where you can stay for the night. I will summon her for dinner at 8. Do not be late.” With that, she walked out of the room, and guards appeared back in the room, pulling us up gentler. I still wasn’t over it happening the first time, and I’m sure Max knew that when we got into the room, I would be asking a lot of questions about what the hell was going on.

The guards, dressed head to toe in black, including face coverings, were completely silent as they led us down ostentatious hallways until we got to a single room at the end of a hallway. I had long since lost track of where we were going – this place was a maze. They opened the door and practically shoved us inside. Hayden even stumbled across the floor as they swung the door shut, locking us in.

I whirled around the face Max, my fear and exhaustion mingling with rage.

“What the fuck is going on.” I could feel the panic bubbling again, but took a deep breath, trying to focus. I wanted answers. Still, it felt like my mind was spinning, and I was felt like I was losing control.

“Adeline, calm down. I’ll explain everything. Take a deep breath.”

I tried, but I felt like my heart was pounding in my chest. I started breathing heavier – it felt like I just couldn’t get enough air. My chest started to hurt, and I staggered back. I didn’t know what was going on. My mind was reeling. I was panicking. I couldn’t breathe. Max stepped over, concern written all over his face. He grabbed my shoulder and lead me towards the bed, where he sat me on the edge and sat down next to me.

“Addy, it’s ok. You’re ok. You need to take deep breaths to level out your heart rate, ok? Just focus on your breathing. It’s ok, I’m with you. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” I nodded, trying to follow his instructions, but I couldn’t focus enough. “We’re going to work through some numbers, ok?” I turned to him, still trying to breathe. I nodded again after a brief pause. “Ok, start at one hundred, and count backwards by three.” I nodded again before starting to count.”

“One hundred. Ninety-seven. Ninety-four, Ninety-one. Eighty-eight…” I kept trailing on, and I found my breathing coming easier. Focusing on something else helped calm down my thoughts, and I was able to breathe deeper and deeper. When I got to zero, I turned back to Max. “Thank you.” He smiled.

“What are friends for?” I smiled in return.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I stared into his gaze for a moment. He was genuine, and it was a breath of fresh air. “I’m sorry. I got you into this. I should explain some things about Watchword.” I nodded at him, still wanting answers. He lowered his voice as he said, “It used to be a magical land. Everyone had access to what we call alastor. The ruler who founded Watchword used it, and he was a great defender of the people. But eventually, the rulers turned vicious and cruel. They are fond of their power, and they know there is only one person who can take it from them. They took the power from the people, and they only share it with the ones who they deem as worthy. Our queen is the most ruthless of them all and keeps almost all the alastor to herself. Only her closest guards and advisors have access to it, and even then, it’s limited. She’s extremely powerful.”

I paused for a moment, trying to take in all this information. I didn’t even know where to start. Magic was real. Okay. This queen was even more mad than I had given her credit for. Almost fitting for this land if it weren’t for the kindness I have seen. That was difficult enough to process, but one thing was still troubling me.

“What do you mean that there is only one person who can take the magic from them? If they’re so terrible, then why hasn’t she been deposed? Or there hasn’t been a revolution?”

“There have been,” he replied. “But you underestimate her. The power she wields is insurmountable. Anyone who’s tried has been cut down. They call her the Red Queen for a reason – it’s an earned title. But…. There’s been a prophecy, told one hundred years ago.” At that, he looked at me. I searched his face, not understanding what he was saying. He sighed before continuing.

“The prophecy was, From distant lands, a free outsider, with inner magic, wild as the river; Shall break the curse, restore the light, and bring back wonder, day and night. The kingdom saved, the villain's fall, a ruler kind shall heed the call; To guide us back to times of lore, where wonder thrives forevermore.” I blinked at him, processing the information. I didn’t like how he was looking at me. Then it suddenly dawned on me.

“You think I’m this outsider?” He nodded solemnly. I stared at him, my mouth agape. There was no way I was some ‘chosen one’ trope actually happening. I had read stories like that, and I wanted none of it. The responsibility? That wasn’t something I wanted. That wasn’t something I could handle. I wasn’t a leader. I stood up, already shaking my head.

“No, there’s no way. That isn’t me.” I backed up, focusing on my breathing again and trying to stay calm. “But the queen wants to find out.” He had already stood up and walked after me, and he nodded his head in answer. “Well, how is she going to find out? What is she going to do to me?’ I asked.

He paused for a moment before replying softly. “I don’t know.” I took a deep breath. I couldn’t control what was going to happen. But I could control how I reacted to it. I can do this. I looked up at him.

“Okay.” Okay. “I can do this. I just have to make sure that she doesn’t think I’m some outsider freak with magic.” His face passed back into that unfamiliar expression I had seen twice before. I still couldn’t place what was wrong, but it was quickly ushered away and replaced with a smile. “Max, what is it?”

He looked at me, surprised. He replied, “what do you mean?”

“Under the tree, what were you going to say? You were going to say something and then didn’t. What was it?” He paused, then took a deep breath.

“Look, I’ve told you before, I won’t pretend to know what you’ve gone through, but it’s clear that you have been through something. I mentioned your home and suddenly you couldn’t look me in the eye. I don’t know what happened that made you end up here, but why are you so determined to get back? Why did you run?”

“What makes you think I ran?” His eyes darkened, and he gazed into my own.

“Addy, I know what being lost looks like.” We stayed like that, silent for a moment, until I looked away and cleared my throat. “I don’t know who or what you are.” I still refused to meet his gaze. “But I have faith in you, no matter what the outcome is.” I shook my head before turning to finally meet his eyes, tears brimming in my own.

“I don’t know why you seem to believe that I could ever be this special whatever. I ran from a group of drunks attacking me because I spoke out to one of them and didn’t want to marry him. I ran because I thought my options were that or dying.” I saw his eyes growing ever darker. “I ran because I was the town freak, and no one could handle me.” Tears were streaming down my face now, as I finally faced the fact that I was never going to fit in.

“Addy,” he said. I ignored him and turned to leave, but his hand shot out and wrapped his hand around my arm, pulling me back to face him. “There is nothing wrong with being different.” I just looked at him, searching for more. “It takes great courage to be who you are. But living in fear of how people are going to see you is no way to live.” I blinked, turning it over in my mind. He wasn’t wrong.

I didn’t have anything to lose. I had already lost everything. This could be a fresh start for me, a chance for a better life. What would it be like to live and not care? To speak my mind and feel what I wanted and just be who I was. What would it be like to find that out? To be that free?

I wanted to find that out. It was terrifying, it might have been worth the risk. He was right, what was I fighting so hard to do? I wanted to find my courage. I mustered a small smile.

What was a good story without a little change?

“I must be going mad,” I mumbled aloud. It was funny to think about the strange and wondrous things that I had called crazy, or even wrong. Even though I had not understood, they were just different. I had been blind to that, just I had been blind to my own story.

“I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret.” I look back towards him only to see humor written all over his face. “All the best people are.” My smile grew wider, and I looked down before taking a step back.

“Just talk to the queen. Not a big deal. I got this.” Max smiled back at me and nodded.

“Yes, you do, mystery girl.”

Not long after, the door opened and two guards walked in, waiting for something. For me. I took a deep breath and exchanged glances with Max before walking over to them and following them out the door. I was nervous, but I tried to appear calm. I am not afraid.

They led me down a much shorter sequence of hallways. Two lefts, then a right. We stopped in front of a smaller, yet still equally opulent door. They pushed the door open, revealing the queen of Watchword, standing in front of a large room with couches and chairs and tables. It looked a little like my own house back home.

“Please, come in.” I was surprised at the change in her tone. She sounded kind, and calm. Nothing like the sharp power and order that she had displayed in her throne room. It was jarring, but I maintained my composure and made my way over to the back where she was standing. I curtsied when I arrived, bowing my head low.

“Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, your majesty.” She nodded her head and gestured for me to rise. I did and she walked over to me, extending out her hand. I took it, looking at her face. She was young. Probably about my age. I wondered what happened to create a person such as this. I couldn’t figure her out, and I started feeling apprehensive. I quickly took my hand away. She noticed it, but didn’t comment on it.

“Please, call me Quinn. And you go by Adeline?”

“You can call me Addy if you’d like, your majesty.” She wrinkled her nose.

“Oh no dear, Adeline is an elegant name, much more suited for a lady.” I forced myself to smile even though my chest felt tight at the words my father had repeated to me over and over again.

“Actually, I would prefer Addy.” She looked at me before conceding.

“As you wish, Addy.” She looked away before continuing, “Why did you wish to have an audience with me?”

“To ask how to get out of Watchword, your majesty.” She looked at me for what felt like a lot of time.

“Do you still want to leave?” I thought about her question for a moment before making a split decision about how I was going to live my life.

“No, your majesty. I want to learn about your ways and the magic of your land.” I noticed her eyes narrow, but I didn’t mean anything by the word. I kept going. “I’m not used to how things are here, and it’s beautiful. But I would like to know how I can leave for when the time is right.”

“Unfortunately, there are no ways out of my kingdom. Especially not for outsiders.”

“I’m sorry?”

“There are no ways out. Now tell me, Adeline, how did you end up here? I sealed all the entrance’s to Watchword years so.” That piece of information took me by surprise, but I tried not to let it show and filed it away for later. I answered her question.

“I ran away. Jumped in a river in my home thinking I was dead, and I just washed up here. I don’t know how I got here.” She hummed in the back of her throat.

“And do you have magic?” Her question caught me by surprise, and I started floundering, desperate to prove that I wasn’t some sort of threat to her.

“Oh, no, I didn’t even believe in magic until I came here, and I saw your guards and I found out about the prophecy—”

“So, you know about the prophecy.” She cut me off, her eyes narrowed back into that intimidating stare that she had when I first saw her. I took a soft deep breath, fighting to maintain my composure.

“Yes, your majesty.”

“But you do not believe yourself to be the Lightbringer?”

“No, not at all. I can’t lead, I don’t even want it. I’m just a nobody.”

“A nobody who cam from a wild river.” I stared at her for a long time. There was something in her face, something dangerous. She was very upfront, there was no doubt about it, but there was a wicked glint in her eyes that left me unnerved.

I suddenly stood up, wanting this to be over.

“If it’s alright, your majesty, I would like to retire to my room for the evening. If it’s alright with you, my friends and I would like to leave in the morning.” She stood up, so I followed suit.

“No.” I blinked, a little taken aback.

“Pardon me?”

“No. You cannot stay.” I nodded.

“Yes, your majesty, we’ll leave immediately.”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary. You won’t be leaving.”

“I’m sorry, your majesty, were there more questions you needed to ask us?”

“No, silly little outsider. I can’t allow any possibility of an uprising to happen under my command. No matter who you are, you’re going to die where you stand.” I was desperately fighting the panic bubbling low in my chest. I took a few steps back. She followed. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I felt like I was choking. I looked to the queen to see black tendrils of smoke wrapped around the tips of her fingers. She was going to kill me, and with the magic she was worried I would steal.

I stumbled back until I found a glass jar on a nearby table and threw it at her. I missed, and it shattered on a corner about a foot away. The impact made the jar shatter, sending glass in every direction, including towards the queen. A couple pieces made cuts across her skin, causing her to lose focus enough to get away. As I moved away clumsily, she looked back towards me. A cut ran across her cheek, a drop of blood streaming down the side of her face. She chuckled, her voice low.

“Oh, darling. I do so love a good challenge. But I’m afraid I must kill you quickly so I can get to the tea makers too.” My face fell in horror of her cruelty. “I can’t have anyone running off and telling stories about an outsider. Another freak.” My anger grew tenfold.

“I’m not a freak.”

“You have spirit. What a shame that this must end. I’m sorry, Miss Adeline, but I’m afraid it must be off with your head.”

I watched as she gathered the black smoke into a sharp line in front of her. I was terrified. She was too fast; I would never make it. She released her smoke, and it was flying at me, incredibly sharp – a kill shot. I threw up my hands, tears releasing down my cheeks. This was the end. There was so much more I wanted to learn. So much more I wanted to do. I had never wanted mediocrity, but that’s exactly what I had. All I saw was how different I wanted to be. Brave, and kind, and generous, and fierce, and real. I felt free in this last moment before it all ended.

But that last moment never came. I looked up slowly to see white smoke, a lot like the queen’s magic, coming out of my palms and wrapping around my fingers to reach out and form a shield surrounding me. Protecting me. Black sand fell from where the alastor blade had collided with the…no, my shield. Quinn had fallen to her knees, looking like the life had been drained out of her. The shield dissipated, but the smoke remained entwined in my fingers and started to wrap up my arms. I watched in fascination as it traveled up my shoulders and neck, around my collarbone, and then eventually into the center of my chest. The smoke all rushed into the center of my chest, and it felt heavy, but comforting. I saw the smoke travel through my skin and the white glow traveled deeper into my chest, where it grew small and then burst out of me, surging forward in a ring that just kept going. I watched it disappear behind the walls, but it also stayed with me, engulfing my arms in it once again.

It felt like it came from me. I felt powerful, and strong. I didn’t know what was happening, but it just felt right. It was overwhelming, but I could see the murderous rage across Quinn’s face from awhile away. She spat at me.

“Lightbringer,” she growled. I didn’t give her the chance to get any further than that. I raced out of the room, heading back to the quarters that I hoped Max and Hayden were still being held in. I didn’t see any guards, but I didn’t let that stop me.

I burst into the room to see them both, and I let out a sigh of relief. They both stood up, terrified as smoke of different colors circled their own bodies – dark red around Max and light orange around Hayden. My jaw dropped, just as confused as they were. I stumbled into the room as the smoke disappeared from the waving arms of the two.

Max turned around and saw me, and crossed the room towards me quickly. Shock and concern were written all over his features. I didn’t even know what I looked like right now. Running on adrenaline, for sure, and probably a wild mess. I looked down and noticed I was still covered in the white smoke.

“Alastor,” Max breathed. I heard Hayden suck in a breath, and I saw the question pass over both of their faces. But I didn’t know if I could give them the answer they were looking for. I shook my arms, trying to get some of the smoke to clear, but it was no use.

“I don’t know,” I managed to get out, my voice hoarse. I cleared my throat and looked back up to face them. “I don’t know. But I do know is we need to get the hell out of here. Now. The queen wants to kill us. She called me something and then tried to kill me, and said she was coming for you two next. We need to go, come on!” I urged them into moving. They ran around the room, grabbing our stuff and the few supplies that we could find. We threw on our packs, and rushed out of the room, turning down the hallway in the opposite direction that we stopped.

However, I had to stop soon enough, the multiple hallways disorienting. I couldn’t remember how to get out. The boys ran up next to me, panting. All I wanted was to get out of here with everyone alive. I would do whatever it takes.

The smoke seemed to listen to me – to my thoughts and feelings. It surged out into a giant cloud in front of us, spinning slowly in a circle. I looked at it hesitantly and exchanged glances with the two boys beside me. I blew out my breath and stepped through the circle, the other two following close behind. I couldn’t see, but I kept going, and suddenly I found myself stepping out in front of the castle gates. I gaped at the city in front of me, and Max and Hayden’s expressions mirrored mine as they followed me out of the alastor portal. I took a deep breath and turned to them.

“We need to keep moving.”

“You’re the light bringer,” Max breathed out.

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. Max smiled.

“I have faith.”

“Me too.” I looked at Hayden, surprised by his response, but appreciative of the faith and support they had put into me.

“We need to go.” They nodded and followed me down the road. We ran until all we saw was trees. We walked through the woods, avoiding the road and the question that we were all now faced with. Who was I? Who am I? We camped for days, moving through the trees until we got back to Max’s house.

We walked through the door that led into the kitchen. It was still warm anymore. There was something hanging about, unspoken. I sat down at the kitchen table, and looked down at my hand, where the smoke now permanently swirled. I had tested it over the journey, and I could call it at will. The others still had theirs too, but they had been struggling more with their control and their focus while using it. I didn’t know why I was different. Why mine stayed and felt different. Felt natural. It was strange. But I had lived my entire life being different, and I didn’t want to ever live in fear again.  

The others sat down, their frames dropping heavily onto the wooden seats. We were all exhausted, but we needed to talk.

“Addy, what happened at the castle? With the queen? Why is all of this happening?” Max asked, his eyes wild. I took a deep breath and waited until he did the same. I recounted the entire story for them, spared no detail. They both listened intently to the story, shock slowly taking over their expressions. When I was done, they both sat silent for a moment.

“What do we do now?’ I asked softly. It was quiet for a long time. Finally, Max looked at me. I met his gaze.

“We need to tell others. I think that by some miracle, the Lightbringer has come to us, and we cannot waste this opportunity.” Max said evenly. I shook my head.

“No. I don’t want this.”

“That’s exactly why it has to be you.” I stared at him for a long moment. His eyes were full of too many emotions to read, but he was sincere. He thought that I was some sort of savior. But I’m not. I can’t do this.

“I can’t do this, you don’t understand.” He reached out and grabbed my hand.

“You can. You’re strong, and you want to do what’s right.” I just looked at him. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. “It takes great courage to be who you are.”

Courage.

I nodded at him, and he nodded in return. There was a mutual understanding between the two of us. I didn’t know who I was. But I was going to find out. I didn’t need to be some savior. But I could use what I had to help people. To make things right. I could have the courage to do that.

We sat there planning, figuring out how we would avoid the queen’s guards and reach new people. How we were going to survive this journey. Who we would go to first.

We ate and then slept for a few hours. Then we walked. And didn’t turn back.

.   .   .

            I can’t help being different.

            That’s all people ever see. I used to think that was a weakness.  

Have you ever felt stuck? Like you won’t be able to escape the life that others have planned for you?

We are walking down a lightly-tread path in the woods, on our journey to take down the queen. I had never imagined this life.

I don’t know what will happen to us. I don’t know what will happen to me.

I don’t know what my story will look like, or what or who I will become.

But I know I need to try. Try to make a difference.

Continue to try and find my courage.

I know I’ll need it in the years to come.