Untraditional communities are often rejected or even feared by participants of mainstream normative culture, especially surrounding taboo subjects, such as sex lives. There are many groups of sex culture that contradict the “norm,” such as LGBTQ+ communities, polyamory, and BDSM. However, unlike other untraditional sex groups, BDSM is still in its infancy of introduction to a broader audience, meaning participants of this community face intense stigma due to a general lack of awareness and education around kink. Although some claim that unconventional sex is morally and/or fundamentally wrong, the negative responses that members of these groups have received and the effects it has had on their personal lives shows that judgement for the unknown is a far greater threat than any activity they participate in. Therefore, more research and representation are needed in the mainstream world to combat the societal stigma and “othering” that BDSM practitioners experience.
BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. BDSM serves as an umbrella term for the specific erotic sensations that people prefer, also known as kinks. Kink and BDSM are often used interchangeably as the specific terminology varies between the many different subcultures present in the community. Contrary to popular belief, BDSM often focuses on the combination of the physical and psychological sensations that practitioners get in a scene. For example, many people with a bondage kink enjoy both the physical feeling of being unable to move and the psychological feeling of not being in control, because it can feel very freeing when in a safe environment. When you consent to a BDSM scene, you are acknowledging a high level of trust between all people involved, meaning that your body and mind can experience that relaxed sensation that you don’t necessarily get in hookup culture, or even in many normative sex lives.
There are many misrepresentations and misconceptions around the BDSM counterculture, leading to an overall sensitivity and fear towards kink, and therefore an increased stigma towards BDSM practitioners. These perspectives drive the argument against BDSM but are often driven by incorrect information and assumptions. It’s easy to say that it’s wrong, or that participants are damaged or broken, or even that BDSM interactions are abusive or dangerous to the physical wellbeing of participants, but these claims make it clear that the person making them is uneducated about the topic. Even academic research against BDSM is difficult to find since most scholarly sources claim that these negative interpretations are due to a lack of general understanding to a broader audience.
In a sexual wellness magazine, Jennifer Litner discusses what she views as the three most common myths that normative culture have about BDSM:
- BDSM is a fringe culture
- BDSM is always inherently sexual, and
- BDSM is abusive and emotionally damaging.
Litner then goes on to discuss how these are just that – myths. She instead reinforces the idea that BDSM is practiced for many reasons (some completely unsexual) and that the explicit need for communication and consent in a BDSM scene creates a completely different context where abuse cannot be perpetuated or implied. Additionally, she explains that BDSM is far more widespread than a lot of normative stigma perpetrators might think. “The popularity of media like Fifty Shades of Grey demonstrates how many people are interested in fantasy and BDSM even if they do not practice it” (Litner). These misconceptions about untraditional sex communities reach widely and determine the mainstream perception and treatment of BDSM and the community’s members.
These media representations are popular, but not necessarily accurate, which only leads to further misconceptions and therefore further stigmatization. Sex is already often considered a taboo topic, especially with older, conservative populations. When you add in untraditional activities, this mentality grows, similar to the stigma and discrimination that LGBTQ+ communities have also faced. The easiest way to combat this is to educate the mainstream population and grow the representation present in normative culture, as well as providing accurate portrayals. Litner discusses the popularity of media such as Fifty Shades of Grey as a means of disproving the assumptions about the BDSM population but fails to discuss the misrepresentation of BDSM that has added to the stigma that practitioners experience.
For example, the movie portrays the male main character as someone who needed to be fixed – who was so engaged in BDSM because of his tragic backstory and was fueled by an unending need for control. Additionally, especially in the first movie, the relationship between the two main characters is strained at best, and completely uncommunicative for large chunks of time. Without even getting into the nitty-gritty of this portrayal (such as showing a BDSM contract as a legal document instead of guidelines for each other to follow to prevent someone from feeling uncomfortable), this representation is already incredibly inaccurate. For one, communication is one of the most important parts of BDSM, and most practitioners are completely mentally stable. Additionally, engaging in an untraditional method of sex is not grounds for the need to be fixed.
Fifty Shades of Grey grossed about $100 million at the domestic box office and $300 million worldwide within a week of its global release. The book trilogy sold over 125 million copies worldwide, and even surpassed JK Rowling’s record for fastest-selling paperback book ever, selling over 70 million copies in the US in 8 months (Acuna). It was a smashing success, and many thought it to be a good thing as kink culture was introduced to a broader audience. It showed just how mainstream BDSM had the potential to be. However, especially because of these star qualities, the shockingly inaccurate portrayals have certainly fueled counterarguments to unconventional sexualities, and therefore increased stigma response.
The little that the normative population knows about the BDSM community is an inaccurate portrayal of what BDSM really is. With little knowledge of the inner workings of an untraditional community, it makes sense that there are misconceptions – but that does not justify the stigma that participants of this culture face. “Previous research shows that the more people are educated about BDSM, the more prejudice toward BDSM practitioners decreases (Yost, 2010); thus, studying the characteristics of this community and disseminating such research findings is of utmost importance to reducing misinformation and stigma toward this sexual minority community” (Herbitter et. Al). Stigma is a result of an uneducated population, so the most effective way to combat these experiences is to learn, especially when it starts to affect the personal lives and health of practitioners. “A recent study showed that despite self-reported favorable attitudes toward BDSM community members, a sample of current and future mental healthcare providers’ implicit attitudes tended to be negative (Hansen-Brown and Jefferson).” Healthcare is something that all humans should have access to – both mental and physical – and unwarranted stigma for an untraditional community should not negatively impact someone’s quality of life. Additionally, figures of power that are meant to help people should not discriminate because of a sexual preference. Therefore, instead of dismissing the topic as taboo or unimportant, we should learn what we can about those who are different from us and grow our empathy and respect for fellow humans, allowing for more acceptance and equalized treatment in any aspect of life.
The first step in the general public’s education is accepting the idea that there isn’t any sort of psychological “damage” to kinksters. Many people carry trauma with them, but there is no correlation between BDSM practitioners and any mental issues. A study was done at Cambridge University in 2022 that analyzed hormone and pain levels in both BDSM practitioners and a control group, which showed that members of the BDSM community had higher pain tolerances, and cortisol and endocannabinoid levels (Wuyts). Cortisol is a hormone involved in managing stress, and the endocannabinoid system is involved in various brain processes, including brain plasticity, learning and memory, neuronal development, inflammation, appetite, digestion, and metabolism regulation, energy balance, motility, and regulation of stress and emotions. These hormones and brain functions help keep you stable and centered, which means BDSM practitioners having higher levels of both highly contradicts the idea that they are “wrong” or “damaged.”
If anything, members of the BDSM community are more stable than mainstream culture, which is reflected in another study conducted for Sexual Research and Social Policy that analyzes past traumas and attachment styles of kinksters to see if BDSM can be considered a maladaptive coping mechanism (behaviors or actions that are ineffective in helping the subject adapt, offering short-term relief but long-term damage to an individual). This study parallels the findings of the previous experiment as it concluded no real correlation to trauma and higher levels of secure attachment styles in BDSM practitioners. “The finding that BDSM practitioners were overall more secure in their attachment styles than the control [group] resonates with sociological theories about BDSM which rather view these practices as a recreational leisure rather than as a pathological practice” (Ten Brink et al.). In other words, there is no real link between psychological issues and participation in BDSM – in fact, the psychological research done so far on the topic suggests that it could even be a healthier release and/or coping mechanism.
Even beyond the psychological aspects, there is a common misconception that BDSM is dangerous, or even abusive. This can often fuel the “damaged” or “broken” argument and could very well be the reason that Fifty Shades of Grey turned out to be such an inaccurate media portrayal. However, a proper BDSM relationship and scene shouldn’t be dangerous. It can look and feel that way – especially since BDSM plays with the sensations from power dynamics – but BDSM centers around the communication and trust necessary to create a safe space. For example, BDSM should never be done without a safe word (a word that a submissive picks that automatically stops everything the dominant is doing and signals that they are not comfortable and/or unable to complete the current scene), and alternative communication methods should always be given when speaking is not an option in a scene.
Additionally, consent plays a huge role in the operations of BDSM culture. For example, BDSM contracts are often created at the start of a submissive/dominant relationship to create a set of guidelines for the dominant to follow (in other words, what the submissive is and is not comfortable with), and the use of a safe word immediately stops everything. “The community serves to create an atmosphere that encourages playing within one’s abilities, with the role of consent and negotiation being central to safety discussions. The ubiquity of participant responses in identifying consent as a key aspect of the community’s role indicates that consent and safety are key social norms within the community” (Dunkley and Brotto). By analyzing the role of consent within BDSM interactions, we see that BDSM rejects dangerous and abusive behavior. Instead, it focuses on safety, making communication and consent central to the function of a BDSM relationship or interaction.
Those with these concerns, or who argue against BDSM, are often in normative culture. They have no connection to an untraditional sex group, and therefore often only know what is represented and discussed in mainstream media, which is largely inaccurate when it’s even acknowledged. Without basic sex education to a broader audience about underrepresented sex communities, stigma will only continue to grow. “The mystery surrounding these practices allows people to be easily frightened, and it can make judgment seem a little more OK” (Sweeton). However, BDSM does not need to remain a mystery. The unknown often creates a fearful response when it contradicts personal views, and the gut reaction is often to go to war over your ideologies instead of empathizing with those who are different than you. Because there is little general education about alternative sex group in mainstream culture, it can be all too easy to assume (especially when it counters the “normal” viewpoint). In Psychology Today, Jennifer Sweeton poses questions that put this idea into perspective: “Is BDSM dangerous because it is bad for our health, or because it is non-normative and threatening to traditional views on love? Is BDSM only for deviants who can't love, or is BDSM just a different way of loving?”
BDSM can be dangerous, but not any more than any other recreational activity. There is always the potential for physical harm, especially since the activities this community participates in are often more intensive than a traditional sexual experience. However, just like any sexual interaction in the mainstream world, it is up to participants to know where their limits are and to communicate that with their partner. Proper interactions in the BDSM community should be no more dangerous than “vanilla” sex. Ignorance creates [solvable] problems – education and accurate portrayals of the BDSM community are necessary in mainstream culture, especially since the stigma towards untraditional sexual behavior effects the quality of life for participants.
If anything, BDSM practitioners face far more abuse and potentially even danger outside of the bedroom than they do in it. Stigma can be extremely harmful to participants in untraditional sex lives, which has been shown throughout the gay rights movement, and will continue to echo through new counterculture sex groups as they continue to gain more exposure (including asexuality, polyamory, fetishes, etc.). The BDSM community is still in its infancy of introduction to a general audience, but that does not mean that participants should experience any type of harm for their differences from a conventional society.
Many studies surrounding stigma and kink hold extensive interviews and analysis into the lives and experiences of BDSM community members, providing insight to the negative impacts that stigma and discrimination based on their sexual preferences has had on them. For example, the Archives of Sexual Behavior research the lives of professional female dommes in BDSM. They reported that they believed that their work was inherently feminist, and an almost therapeutic experience for their clients, but still experienced intense forms of stigma, including violent altercations and medical discrimination. When these subjects were interviewed, there were extensive themes present in their discussions, including “(1) a clear desire to clarify the labor involved with providing BDSM services in a professional context; (2) consensus that rather than viewing their work as deviance and even violence, Pro-Dommes urge for a reframing of their work as therapy or as leisure activities; and (3) the continued criminalization of BDSM activities has distinct negative impacts that serve to sustain marginalization of alternative sexualities and exclude practitioners from human and labor rights protections” (O’Doherty and Cherrington). A desire to clarify what BDSM really entails supports the need to educate a larger population – the stigma that sexual minorities face is rooted in a misconception on what BDSM really entails. Even by urging for a recontextualization of their work as therapeutic, these practitioners are arguing for a different perspective where BDSM is understood and destigmatized instead of deviant or troublesome. A counter to mainstream society’s idea of acceptable and normal does not justify unfair and unbased hate, especially when the stigma that these cultures endure is completely avoidable by a more widespread sex education to a normative audience.
These remarkably consistent stories serve as a platform for much of the BDSM community. If the stories of BDSM practitioners are discussed openly, then these counterculture sexualities can get the attention and research necessary to improve the representation and perspective that the mainstream population has of these groups. Another study done for the Archives of Sexual Behavior reviewed the narratives of untraditional sex groups, including BDSM, Non-Monogamy, and negative experiences concerning stigma and consent. Multiple themes were found in the stories of the practitioners, including the development or worsening of mental health issues and negative impacts on professional and personal lives due to their “coming out.” Additionally, “many narratives included discrimination from a variety of helping professionals, which may be attributed to lack of knowledge or misunderstanding of kink and non-monogamy. It appeared that participants felt it important to have lifestyle aware professionals to help them and believe them, and these professionals included lawyers, police, medical providers, and therapists” (Ling et al.) The quality of life and care that a human receives should not be negatively affected because of a sexual preference that differs from conventional standards.
Participants of BDSM have clearly experienced the negative side effects of stigma, and while there is always the potential for an incident to happen, the abusive and traumatic experiences happen just as often (if not more) from complete strangers, or even medical and legal professionals than they do from a BDSM encounter. In Psychology Today, an article about combating stigma towards BDSM argues that “people in communities need support and acceptance, not judgment” (Muller), and that couldn’t be truer. BDSM is not a disease, there is nothing wrong with community members, and there is a very defined line between BDSM activities and danger and/or abuse. These community members deserve the same amount of support and acceptance that any normative-aligned sexual communities get rather than the judgement that comes with living an untraditional sex life.
Psychologist Robert Muller PhD, says that “The only guilt I feel is the manufactured cliché guilt that society thrusts upon people who have weird kinks.” Fear towards the unknown is a societal response, caused by conditioning mainstream culture to reject anything that counters what the “normative” experience is. However, basic education and accurate representations would quickly change the perception of BDSM practitioners and other untraditional sex communities. There are many arguments that BDSM is wrong, or unstable, or dangerous, or even just too different, but counterculture sex preferences are often perceived this way due to a lack of understanding and acceptance. By working on this issue and focusing on extended research and representation, the academic world provides the opportunity for discourse and growth concerning unconventional sex, and therefore the potential to combat the stigma that negatively impacts the BDSM community.
Works Cited
Acuna, Kirsten. “By the Numbers: The ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Phenomenon.” Business Insider, Business Insider, 4 Sept. 2013, www.businessinsider.com/50-shades-of-grey-by-the- numbers-2013-9.
Dunkley, Cara R., and Lori A. Brotto. "The Role of Consent in the Context of BDSM." Sexual Abuse, vol. 32, no. 6, 2020, pp. 657-678. Sage Journals, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1079063219842847
Hansen-Brown, Ashley A., and Sabrina E. Jefferson. "Perceptions of and Stigma Toward BDSM Practitioners." Current Psychology (New Brunswick, N.J.), vol. 42, no. 23, 2023, pp. 19721-19729. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/docview/2859756077?pq- origsite=summon&sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journal
Herbitter, Cara, Michelle D. Vaughan, and David W. Pantalone. "Mental Health Provider Bias and Clinical Competence in Addressing Asexuality, Consensual Non-Monogamy, and BDSM: A Narrative Review." Sexual and Relationship Therapy, vol. 39, no. 1, 2024, pp. 131-154. Taylor and Fracis Online, https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14681994.2021.1969547#abstract
Ling, Thomson J., et al. "BDSM, Non-Monogamy, Consent, and Stigma Navigation: Narrative Experiences." Archives of Sexual Behavior, vol. 51, no. 2, 2022, pp. 1075-1089. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/docview/2634670443/fulltextPDF?pq- origsite=summon&sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journals
Litner, Jennifer. “Common Myths and Misconceptions About BDSM: Debunked.” Embrace Sexual Wellness, Embrace Sexual Wellness, LLC., 11 Jan. 2024, www.embracesexualwellness.com/esw-blog/2023/12/13/common-myths-and- misconceptions-about-bdsm-debunked.
Muller, Robert T. “When Stigma Gets in the Way of Kink.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 20 Oct. 2021, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about- trauma/202110/when-stigma-gets-in-the-way- kink?msockid=2809d8850c8a61463ddccbbb0d5360a7.
O’Doherty, Tamara, and Kathleen Cherrington. "Commodified BDSM Services: Professional Dominatrices’ Views on their Work and its Criminalization." Archives of Sexual Behavior, vol. 52, no. 3, 2023, pp. 1285-1298. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/docview/2800384353/fulltextPDF?pq- origsite=summon&sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journals
Sweeton, Jennifer. “What’s Dangerous about BDSM?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 15 Apr. 2009, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-the-ordinary/200904/whats- dangerous-about-bdsm?msockid=2809d8850c8a61463ddccbbb0d5360a7.
Ten Brink, S., et al. "The Psychology of Kink: A Survey Study into the Relationships of Trauma and Attachment Style with BDSM Interests." Sexuality Research & Social Policy, vol. 18, no. 1, 2021, pp. 1-12. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/docview/2476486605?pq- origsite=summon&sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journals
Wuyts, E. "BDSM: Pathological Or Healthy Expression of Intimacy?" European Psychiatry, vol. 65, no. S1, 2022, pp. S805-S806. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/docview/2708703606?pq- origsite=primo&sourcetype=Scholarly%20Journals
Add comment
Comments